Introspection
Type: Album
An EP exploring the different phases of being bipolar and how it's effected me.
Tracks
-
1. Gravity
View Lyrics
The sunlight’s tracing patterns on the floor But I can’t find the will to reach the door The ceiling fan is spinning in a blur A quiet motion, just a distant whir I’m anchored by the sheets, they hold me down A king without a kingdom or a crown Just silence and the dust motes in the air I know I should get up, but I don’t care It’s not that I don’t want to see the day It’s just that gravity has got a lot to say It’s pulling on my chest, it’s in my bones Turning all my muscles into stones The simple things are mountains in the mist And I’m too tired to even make a list My phone is buzzing somewhere near my head I let it vibrate, leave the texts unread The coffee cup from yesterday is cold A story that I’ve already been told The dishes in the sink begin to stack I promise that I’ll get myself on track But moving feels like wading through the deep And it is easier to fall back into sleep The thought of showering feels like a war I’m staring blankly at the closet door I need to change, I need to wash my face But I am frozen in this empty space My brain is foggy, filled with cotton wool I feel the push, but I don't have the pull I’m cataloging things I ought to do But can’t convince my feet to follow through Just move a finger Just move a toe The signals getting lost inside the snow A static in the brain, a disconnect With nothing to look forward to, or expect The shadows lengthen on the bedroom wall I watch the light fade, watch the evening fall I haven't eaten, haven't brushed my hair I'm sitting in the same spot, same old chair The guilt is heavy, sitting on my chest A paradox of stressed but getting rest I hear the world outside go rushing by And breathe a heavy, solitary sigh The window pane is cold against my hand I watch the world I barely understand They move with such a purpose and a drive While I am just pretending I’m alive It’s suffocating silence in this room A quiet, self-inflicted sort of gloom I want to break the cycle, start anew But starting is the hardest thing to do It’s not that I don’t want to see the day It’s just that gravity has got a lot to say It’s pulling on my chest, it’s in my bones Turning all my muscles into stones The simple things are mountains in the mist And I’m too tired to even make a list Maybe tomorrow Yeah Maybe tomorrow the weight will lift Just drift
-
2. Upward
View Lyrics
It’s weird, you know? You don't just wake up fixed It’s quiet it’s slow But the air feels different today I used to keep the curtains drawn, scared of the light Sleepwalking through the day, fighting ghosts at night The room was heavy, gravity pulling on my chest Convinced that "giving up" was just another word for rest But this morning, I saw dust motes dancing in the beam Woke up from the nightmare, stepped into a quieter dream The dishes in the sink? Yeah, they’re still sitting there But for the first time in months, I think I actually care I’m not on the mountain top I’m still on the slope Trading in the apathy for a heavy kind of hope It’s a long climb out, dirt under my fingernails Wind at my back, trying to catch it in these sails I’m not okay yet, but I’m better than I was Just breathing through the static just because just because They say it gets easier, but they don't say how slow It feels to teach a heart to beat when it was frozen in the snow I’m walking on a wire, trying not to look down At the shadow of the person that I was when I drowned The colors are returning but they’re muted and soft Like looking at the city from a rainy jagged loft I stumbled yesterday, yeah, I almost fell back But I caught myself standing on the ridges of the track I’m not on the mountain top I’m still on the slope Trading in the apathy for a heavy kind of hope It’s a long climb out, dirt under my fingernails Wind at my back, trying to catch it in these sails I’m not okay yet, but I’m better than I was Just breathing through the static just because just because Used to think a bad day meant I was back at the start Tearing down the progress, ripping it apart But I learned that a stumble isn't the same as a fall I’m still standing here, with my back against the wall It’s a zig-zag path it ain’t a straight line I gotta be patient, gotta give it some time The shadows get long but the sun is getting higher Turning a spark into a flame, and a flame into a fire (Just keep climbing) (Yeah) I put on my headphones, silence the noise Finding my cadence, finding my voice The gray is turning silver, the static clearing out Replacing the silence with a whisper, not a shout It’s the little things now, like the taste of the rain Or waking up early without that heavy pain I’m not running a race I’m just walking the track And for the first time in years, I ain’t looking back The hole is deep And the walls are steep But the light up there? It’s starting to reach me Yeah It’s starting to reach me I’m not on the mountain top I’m still on the slope Trading in the apathy for a heavy kind of hope It’s a long climb out, dirt under my fingernails Wind at my back, trying to catch it in these sails I’m not okay yet, but I’m better than I was Just breathing through the static just because just because
-
3. Higher
View Lyrics
Wait, did I sleep? I don't think I need to Everything is… so bright Turn the volume up louder louder louder Three A.M. and the ceiling is a canvas I’m painting masterpieces inside of my madness Threw out the alarm clock, I don’t need the warning I’ve lived a whole lifetime before you hit the morning Coffee cup is empty but my veins are electric Every wild impulse is a holy directive Rearranging furniture, writing a symphony The universe is finally listening to me I’m walking on the power lines, I never look down Feet don’t even touch the dirty pavement of this town I’m glowing like a neon sign, buzzing in the rain Too much gold and glitter running through my brain My tongue is a sprinter and my thoughts are the gun I’m talking a mile a minute, having so much fun Buy a ticket to a city that I’ve never even seen Bank account is flashing red but I’m seeing green Connect every dot, yeah I solved every riddle I’m the conductor and the drum and the fiddle Everyone is moving in slow-motion but me I’m the only one awake, I’m the only one free Higher (higher) Wire (wire) Spark becomes a flame becomes a forest fire I’m texting everybody in my phone from ‘09 Telling them I’m sorry and I’m doing just fine Actually, I’m perfect, I’m a brand new design I got a business proposition that’ll blow your mind Yeah, I quit my job today, I didn't need the stress I’m gonna write a novel, play the market, playing chess Why you looking worried? Put that look back on the shelf I finally found the keys to the version of myself Colors are vibrating, can you hear the hue? The saturation slider turned to one-hundred-and-two I’m seeing patterns in the static, messages in codes Walking down the center of the busiest of roads They say "slow down" they say "breathe" they say "take a seat" But I’m a shark, I gotta swim, I gotta move to eat If I stop moving then the magic starts to fade And I love the monster that the medicine made No sleep (No sleep) No sleep (No sleep) No sleep (No sleep) No sleep (Just heat) Just heat (Heart beat) Heart beat (Heart beat) Heart beat I am the signal. You are the noise I am the signal. You are the noise Don't ask me to come down Not yet
-
4. Turbulence
View Lyrics
The sun is burning out like a match I can feel the cold snapping at the latch The golden light is turning into grey I was a king yesterday, now I'm prey The air is getting too thin to breathe There is nothing left up here to believe I am falling through the floor And I don't know who I am anymore My bones are made of hollow glass Watching the beautiful moments pass I am moving at a violent speed But I’m planted here like a dying weed The colors are bleeding out of the sky The serotonin is running dry The wind is tearing The mask is wearing Snap the neck Total wreck It’s coming loose It’s coming down Turbulence Hit the ground I feel everything I feel nothing A car without a sound Head is loud Heart is dead Turbulence inside the head (Inside the head) Inside my head I’m pacing the hallway I’m tearing the wallpaper Nothing is solid it's turning to vapor The shadow is creeping behind the eyes I'm sick of the lows and I'm sick of the highs It's violent, it's quiet, I'm starting a riot Inside of a body that’s on a diet Of happiness starving and eating the scraps I’m running the track but I’m losing the laps The panic is heavy, the levees are breaking My hands are unsteady, the foundation shaking I’m biting my tongue just to feel something real Spinning the wheel but losing the feel I cannot sit still I cannot lay down I’m wearing the grin of a tragedy clown The thoughts are a swarm of bees in the hive I don’t know if I’m gonna make it alive My heart is a hammer it breaks through the chest I’m failing the test I’m needing a rest But the motor is running the oil is spilling The silence is loud and the pressure is killing me It’s too loud inside this skull Every sharp edge is turning dull I’m staring at the wall with a blank face While my pulse tries to win a race I should probably try to grab a ledge But I am standing right on the edge And the drop looks deeper than before A black hole opening in the floor Gravity is wrapping around my throat I’m sinking in a water-logged boat The manic wind is dying in the trees I am crawling on my hands and knees I am awake but I am not alive I don't know how I’m going to survive The crash is coming, I can hear the sound Of my own body hitting the ground It’s coming loose It’s coming down Turbulence Hit the ground I feel everything I feel nothing A car without a sound Head is loud Heart is dead Turbulence inside the head inside the head inside the head (Turbulence) (Turbulence) inside the head (Turbulence) (Turbulence) A car crash without a sound
-
5. Drag
View Lyrics
The air is thicker than it was before My boots are lead upon the floor I’m moving in slow motion now Sweat is cold upon my brow Yesterday I was a photon beam Traveling inside a fever dream Now I’m just a shadow cast The future turning into past It’s the drag Holding me back Friction on the skin Where the ice begins It’s the drag Killing the speed I’m pulling a parachute That I didn’t think I’d need My thoughts are swimming through the mud I feel the lead inside my blood Signals getting lost in the wire I used up every ounce of fire The colors are getting muted down The grey is covering the town I’m trying to lift my head up high But gravity is in the sky Momentum is zero Velocity is gone I am static I am drawn Against the grain Against the flow Nowhere left to go The engine is cold and the tank is dry No more energy to try and fly I watch the world move at normal pace While I am stuck in this empty space The resistance is too strong to fight I'll just surrender to the night Let the friction take its toll And put the brakes upon my soul It’s the drag Holding me back Friction on the skin Where the ice begins It’s the drag Killing the speed I’m pulling a parachute That I didn’t think I’d need Slowing down Slowing Down
-
6. Orbit
View Lyrics
The scenery looks familiar here I recognize the shadows on the wall I’ve been flying for so long I forgot what it felt like to fall But I didn't really crash, did I? I just came around the bend The beginning is the only thing Waiting at the end I’m just in orbit Around a heavy star No matter how high I fly I never get that far It’s a perfect circle Trace it with your hand I’m not falling down I’m just coming in to land I remember the Upward drift I remember getting Higher I remember the Turbulence And the smoke from the fire But the Drag slowed me down And the physics took the lead Now I’m back in the quiet with everything I need They say the definition of insanity Is doing the same thing twice But nobody talks about the gravity Or the feeling of the ice I know this place I know this room I know the color of the grey There is a strange sort of comfort In knowing I can’t stay The fuel is gone the tank is empty The frost is creeping on the glass I knew the flight was temporary I knew the energy wouldn't last The spark is dead, the fire is out I’m sliding back into the doubt I feel the heavy weight return Watching the final candle burn Run around The same old ground The same old fear The same old year I wave goodbye to the sun And hello to the moon I’ll see you again I’ll see you soon I’m just in orbit Around a heavy star No matter how high I fly I never get that far It’s a perfect circle Trace it with your hand Maybe I am falling down... It's coming back around. Just let it happen. Here we go again.